Today was one of those moments.
But before I get to that, these are the defining moments from my past:
- The day that my mom told me that my dad had died and was never coming back home. At the tender age of nine, I can still remember walking across our lawn hoping she was wrong.
- The day my mother's doctor called and said, "She just left us."
- The day I went in for "routine" tests at my ob/gyn's office, when I got a glimse of my chart with the word, "Infertility" written on it. The insensitivity of my (former) doctor and the shocking revelation that I had become part of the statistics.
- The day our genetic counselor uttered the words, "Its not good news." That was the day we came face to face with our future and living with a neurological disease.
- The day this past April that our RE called us to give us the results of our beta after our frozen embryo transfer (FET). After four positive pregnancy tests at home, the doctor called to say, "I'm so sorry honey."
As you know, we have been on the amazing journey of embryo adoption/donation and can't wait to become the parents to three beautiful twinkle babies. The contract is still not signed, but we are getting closer.
Part of Dr. K's orders to prepare my body for the transfer included blood tests for infectious diseases and regular girly tests like pap, breast exam and mammogram. At 39 years old, this was my first mammogram!
All of the tests came back clear...except the mammogram. Nurse A called to tell me that there were some slight "calcifications" in my right breast and I would need to go back for an ultrasound. She assured me that calcifications are quite common.
"Anything for baby," I said. Whatever it takes.
I went in for the second mammogram and ultrasound today. Having heard that calcifications are common, I completely expected to walk in, have the test and walk out.
After donning my stylish pink gown, the tech took some pictures and asked me to sit tight while the radiologist reviewed the films. A few minutes later the radiologist came in to give me the results.
The radiologist said very plainly, "I don't like the cluster of cells that I'm seeing, so I am sending you for a biopsy." Of course, there was so much more to this conversation. But the bottom line is that the road to FET is being derailed by something that I never saw coming. I am scared.
I got to my car, broke down in tears and prayed.