Saturday, April 17, 2010

One Door Closes as Another Opens

Yesterday, hubby and I received the awful news that our beta test was negative. After four positive home pregnancy tests and the hope that we would be parents again, the news during this phone call was really hard to take as we so expected completely different outcome today. I never expected this could fail and truthfully did not prepare my heart or mind for this kind of devastating news.

Two of my best friends came to my teary rescue to comfort me since hubby had to work his regular graveyard shift. It was hard to see him off to work, but that was his coping mechanism. Mine was at home.

Ready to hear about the miracle that ensued next? I thank God for these ladies:

•Sweet friend #1, sister in Christ, comforted me with God’s Word and assurance that He is still on the throne despite what I was going through here on earth. As heartbreaking as that was, I had peace about our embryos finally being released to heaven to be with the Lord. I had peace in my heart that I could not explain. I prayed for His plan all through our FET process and accepted this as His answer. I didn’t like it, but knew in my heart that God’s ways are not our ways.

•Sweet friend #2, not a believer yet (whom I love dearly and have never passed judgment on for her religious views) was amazed by the peace that I was sad but okay with not being pregnant. I think that she believed she was coming over to wipe me up off the floor, which was not the case at all. She also didn’t know that sweet friend #1 and I had been praying for her salvation for years.

So, there we were. The three of us friends…two at peace that God is still good and one friend still searching for answers.

She asked two questions that night…questions that she most likely thought would be cathartic and healing for ME to answer. Little did she know God was using this entire experience, my failed FET process to show HER his love and comfort. She asked us 1) how we knew when God was speaking to us, and 2) How we knew that peace in our hearts was from God?

I will tell you that the next two hours of talking with her about God’s great love for us was literally life changing. After she left for the night, sweet friend #1 and I cried and prayed and cried some more that it took something this powerful to reach into her heart and allow it to soften to God’s love. That night was a night of healing for both me regarding the embryos, and for my friend who had never heard the truth of the gospel.

Friday, April 16, 2010

We Still Believe

Many of you know what the Three Zees have been praying for these days…for God to grow our family. Thank you dear friends for your continued prayer. We are blessed to have you as friends.

After four positive home pregnancy tests, we were a bit deflated today when the blood test came back negative. Although we may never know what happened, we thank God for the process he allowed us to go through and all of the answered prayer along the way. We are just sad that this one did not have the ending that we were hoping for.

Psalm 121
I lift up my eyes to the hills,
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

We still believe…God is still on the throne…He is our strength and shield. Our babies are now in heaven with Him.