There's a Reason for Everything

Remember a few months ago when I posted our sad news about the negative beta? That post also contained a silver lining in that I was able to share the gospel of Christ to a non-believing friend who came to grieve the loss with me that night. You can read about it here.

Four months later (and after many victories of our Lord’s) my sweet friend committed her life to Jesus Christ for the first time. All because she now had the faith of a mustard seed that God has promised to grow.

I’ve learned that God uses the most difficult things to show His love and mercy to His people. While I can’t even explain how sad I was that we had to go through the failed transfer and the loss of those little lives, I am eternally grateful for my friend’s salvation that can never be revoked!

Believe!

Just got back from vacationing in San Diego! Had a great time at Sea World and the Zoo. It was such a joy to see Little Mister’s eyes light up from seeing the pandas or getting nose-to-nose with the hippos (through 12 inch plexiglass, of course). Even Tall Man was mesmerized by the polar bears and koalas!

One of the most memorable moments was at the Shamu Show at Sea World. For those of you who haven’t seen it, picture a gigantic killer whale playfully splashing the audience, twisting, turning and doing flips, and at times showing an almost human-like personality.

The name of the show was “Believe”, and I think that tagline pretty much sums up where our family is in our fertility journey. We “believe” that miracles can happen and “believe” that even though we have one miracle, all things are possible with Christ.

This weekend really made me think about how grateful I am to God for this precious time with my family. But, the thought did cross my mind that this may very well be the last hoorah for the Three Zees before we enter another round of cycling to (hopefully) grow us from the Three Zees to the Four Zees. Doesn’t have the same kind of ring to it though, does it?

After reading how another gal in in the EA “sisterhood” was matched in 9 days, we recently posted our family profile on the Miracles Waiting website. This was a first for us, but we are hopeful that God will lead the family of our future embryos to this site and find “us”.

I have to admit it was a bit of a challenge trying to summarize who we are in a couple of short paragraphs. I just have to remember that God is in full control of this whole process. Just like our Heavenly Father led my husband and I to each other nine years ago as if He hand-picked each of us and prepared our hearts…I truly believe that He is preparing a family for this major decision right now (the decision to allow another family to adopt their frozen embryos).

We are also waiting for our consult appointment with the new RE on August 19th. I am anxious for the day to arrive! I think about all of the teeny chilly babies and wonder if there is one out there for us. One who may someday be a baby in our arms. In the meantime, I just have to continue to ask God for patience and wisdom as we wait. We are open to wherever He is leading us next.

Prayer of my heart:
Dear Lord…you know how much my heart desires another child. You know my heart because you created it. Thank you God for the blessings of my family and the miracle of Little Mister. I pray that you continue to reveal your plan for our lives and show us which path you would like us to take next. I pray that it involves the blessing of chilly babies, but know that Your plan and Your will are always way better than mine.

Considering Embryo Adoption Options

I was inspired by this woman’s story of embryo adoption and how her journey gave God the glory every step of the way. You can read for yourself here.

I decided to reach out to her today and ask a few questions. Knowing that she’s out of state and has eight children including a newborn I didn’t expect to hear from her for a while.

Much to my surprise she emailed me right back and gave me information on her clinic (which is here in California), her doctor (Dr. K) and told me about the various routes to embryo adoption. One option (Snowflakes) I was aware of, but the others were new to me.

•Miracles Waiting – a website where adopting couples and donor couples can post profiles and find matches. It is a non-profit organization, but to keep the site running they do charge adopting couples a $150 posting fee (well worth it, when you consider what it’s for).

•National Embryo Donation Center (NEDC) – non-profit organization for embryo donation and adoption. Their program handles the medical, legal and social (education and awareness) aspects of embryo adoption (including frozen transfer at their center if you choose not to ship embryos locally).

As a result of my email dialogue with my new EA sister, I contacted Dr. K to get a consult AND asked Tall Man if we could check out the Miracles Waiting site.

My new friend sent me a cyber hug as I started the EA journey. Sending hugs to all of you who are also on the journey of EA. I pray we are hugging our chilly babies one day soon.

Another Route to Embryo Adoption

I have not forgotten about all of the chilly babies out there. God continues to put on my heart the desire for embryo adoption.

So, the other night while I was doing some more research on the subject, God led me to a blog which not only explained the whole process from a woman who went through it, but she also gave God all the glory. Talk about Spirit-lead!

Since the whole concept is still pretty new to me, I learned so much just from reading through her experience. She did not use an agency to adopt her embryos.

The funny thing was that I was stuck on part of the blog that described the embryo adoption and frozen embryo transfer process, but could not for the life of me find the current posts. Duh! I must have been tired. So…tired and inspired I went to bed without finding out how the story ended? Did it work? Did she get pregnant? Did she have the baby(ies)?

The next day I did find her current posts and was excited to see the BIRTH of her beautiful baby girl. Embryo adoption and God’s glory…what a perfect ending to that story.

Discouraged and Encouraged

Discouraged that this process is not easy. Discouraged that infertility and disease exist. Discouraged about the financial costs to do something that may not work. Still praying about using the agency, but it’s not looking promising.

Encouraged that God is still on the throne! Encouraged that we can lay our burdens at His feet. Encouraged that I do not walk alone for my Lord is with me.

Program fees at embryo adoption agency

I contacted the Snowflakes embryo adoption program today about the Japanese-Caucasian embryos, specifically. Megan, the embryo adoption coordinator, was a sweet voice on the other end of the phone who took the “scary” out of this process.

Snowflakes pioneered uncharted territory when they ventured out into the world of embryo adoption in 1997. They really are the most professional and ethical agency around.

Their regular program fees for embryo adoption are $8,000 (much less than the $18,000 on the domestic adoption side of the agency). The program fee gets you matched up to three times. They use the number three because most couples will get pregnant within the matches. That fee also includes the legal process for the embryo adoption between the genetic couple and adopting couple.

What it doesn’t include is the home study fee of $2,500 which has to be done before any matching occurs. They really emphasize the adoption education process, which I completely understand and like. Since we live in their area, they would be doing the home study.

A new thing I learned………..

The good news is that the multi-ethnic embryos have a reduced program fee. Mainly because the couple is looking to adopt specific embryos from one genetic family (not matching with three genetic families like the regular program works).

So, fees for us would look like this if we chose to go this route:

$2,500 Home study
$4,900 Program Fee (multi-ethnic embryos)
$2,500 FET_____________________
$9,900 Total (not including meds and mock cycle)

I told her we are still praying about how to go forward (or not) with embryo adoption. We really want to be good stewards of the provision God has given us. Praying for God’s wisdom and guidance.

Snowflakes agency posts multi-ethnic embryos on their website

We are having a great summer with Little Mister! Between swimming lessons, birthday parties and camping trips…we’ve been having a blast.

I have to admit though, there are moments when I think about what life would be like right now if our FET in April had worked. Things would be different if I were five months pregnant. I sure would be wearing different jeans!

Confession…I took a peek at the Snowflakes website today for the first time in months. If you’ll remember, my first information “encounter” on embryo adoption was with Snowflakes. Read here for my eye opening experience about these precious little chilly babies. The Snowflakes program is the embryo adoption arm of Nightlight Christian Adoption (a full-service adoption agency) and they have an office right down the street in Anaheim Hills, California.

Snowflakes has a multi-ethnic embryos page which highlights the non-caucasian and/or mixed ethnicity embryos and gives them a chance to be seen. This is especially of interest to me and Tall Man because we are a mutt mix of ethicities which includes my half-Asian-ness (not a word, I’m sure).

My heart fluttered a little when I saw the Japanese-Caucasian embryos. Oh how I would love to honor my mother’s heritage by adopting embryos of Japanese decent. Another thing to pray about.

I do believe that God has a plan for us Zees. We are living out our little miracle every day with Little Mister.