Consult with new RE

We met with Dr. K yesterday. I still think it is pretty unbelievable that God used someone in Kansas to get me to a doctor 80 miles to the north in Thousand Oaks! God’s ways definitely are not our ways!

The doctor spent more than an hour talking to Tall Man and me about our “goals” and our issues. We spent most of the time discussing two things…a) FET with donor embryos (our main focus for the meeting and reason we were there) and b) PGD IVF (figured we may as well discuss it since it was the way Little Mister was conceived).

Dr. K said this is OUR decision and we should consider three things in making that decision:

1. Medical – Is what we are doing medically possible?
2. Emotional – Can we endure the roller coaster of emotions in this process?
3. Financial – Do we have the finances to go forward with our decision?

Fortunately, the medical outlook is good for me to carry a pregnancy; emotionally we have God holding our hands and a doctor who is an expert in the field; and financially, well…we don’t want this to break us. All things prayerfully considered, we are going with adopting embryos who are already babies waiting to be born rather than trying again with my (39 year old) eggs and creating more embryos.

Jen was so right. Dr. K is amazing, confident, calm and even gave us his cell phone number. Who does that? He truly cares. We were very impressed.

The best part about our visit was that they have a match for us. Hubby and I are a strange melting pot combination of ethnicities, which ended up making our biological son 25% Asian. Who would have ever guessed that Dr. K would have 25% Asian embies.

We are now headed on the path to adopt them and pray that everything goes smoothly from here on out. God is sooooo in control.

Today I am thanking God for everything and thanking my new friend and sister in Christ for her ministry.

Considering Embryo Adoption Options

I was inspired by this woman’s story of embryo adoption and how her journey gave God the glory every step of the way. You can read for yourself here.

I decided to reach out to her today and ask a few questions. Knowing that she’s out of state and has eight children including a newborn I didn’t expect to hear from her for a while.

Much to my surprise she emailed me right back and gave me information on her clinic (which is here in California), her doctor (Dr. K) and told me about the various routes to embryo adoption. One option (Snowflakes) I was aware of, but the others were new to me.

•Miracles Waiting – a website where adopting couples and donor couples can post profiles and find matches. It is a non-profit organization, but to keep the site running they do charge adopting couples a $150 posting fee (well worth it, when you consider what it’s for).

•National Embryo Donation Center (NEDC) – non-profit organization for embryo donation and adoption. Their program handles the medical, legal and social (education and awareness) aspects of embryo adoption (including frozen transfer at their center if you choose not to ship embryos locally).

As a result of my email dialogue with my new EA sister, I contacted Dr. K to get a consult AND asked Tall Man if we could check out the Miracles Waiting site.

My new friend sent me a cyber hug as I started the EA journey. Sending hugs to all of you who are also on the journey of EA. I pray we are hugging our chilly babies one day soon.

Discouraged and Encouraged

Discouraged that this process is not easy. Discouraged that infertility and disease exist. Discouraged about the financial costs to do something that may not work. Still praying about using the agency, but it’s not looking promising.

Encouraged that God is still on the throne! Encouraged that we can lay our burdens at His feet. Encouraged that I do not walk alone for my Lord is with me.

Program fees at embryo adoption agency

I contacted the Snowflakes embryo adoption program today about the Japanese-Caucasian embryos, specifically. Megan, the embryo adoption coordinator, was a sweet voice on the other end of the phone who took the “scary” out of this process.

Snowflakes pioneered uncharted territory when they ventured out into the world of embryo adoption in 1997. They really are the most professional and ethical agency around.

Their regular program fees for embryo adoption are $8,000 (much less than the $18,000 on the domestic adoption side of the agency). The program fee gets you matched up to three times. They use the number three because most couples will get pregnant within the matches. That fee also includes the legal process for the embryo adoption between the genetic couple and adopting couple.

What it doesn’t include is the home study fee of $2,500 which has to be done before any matching occurs. They really emphasize the adoption education process, which I completely understand and like. Since we live in their area, they would be doing the home study.

A new thing I learned………..

The good news is that the multi-ethnic embryos have a reduced program fee. Mainly because the couple is looking to adopt specific embryos from one genetic family (not matching with three genetic families like the regular program works).

So, fees for us would look like this if we chose to go this route:

$2,500 Home study
$4,900 Program Fee (multi-ethnic embryos)
$2,500 FET_____________________
$9,900 Total (not including meds and mock cycle)

I told her we are still praying about how to go forward (or not) with embryo adoption. We really want to be good stewards of the provision God has given us. Praying for God’s wisdom and guidance.

Snowflakes agency posts multi-ethnic embryos on their website

We are having a great summer with Little Mister! Between swimming lessons, birthday parties and camping trips…we’ve been having a blast.

I have to admit though, there are moments when I think about what life would be like right now if our FET in April had worked. Things would be different if I were five months pregnant. I sure would be wearing different jeans!

Confession…I took a peek at the Snowflakes website today for the first time in months. If you’ll remember, my first information “encounter” on embryo adoption was with Snowflakes. Read here for my eye opening experience about these precious little chilly babies. The Snowflakes program is the embryo adoption arm of Nightlight Christian Adoption (a full-service adoption agency) and they have an office right down the street in Anaheim Hills, California.

Snowflakes has a multi-ethnic embryos page which highlights the non-caucasian and/or mixed ethnicity embryos and gives them a chance to be seen. This is especially of interest to me and Tall Man because we are a mutt mix of ethicities which includes my half-Asian-ness (not a word, I’m sure).

My heart fluttered a little when I saw the Japanese-Caucasian embryos. Oh how I would love to honor my mother’s heritage by adopting embryos of Japanese decent. Another thing to pray about.

I do believe that God has a plan for us Zees. We are living out our little miracle every day with Little Mister.

Our IVF Journey, Part V – Bedrest, Believing & Beta Test

This is Part V of a five-part post. For the first few posts on our journey, read:

Our IVF Journey, Part I – The Two Zees, Infertility and IUIs
Our IVF Journey, Part II – Infertility, Disease and PGD IVF
Our IVF Journey, Part III – PGD IVF (needles and drugs)
Our IVF Journey, Part IV – Retrieval & Transfer

The first five days after the transfer I was on strict bedrest. I could only get up to go to the bathroom and that was it. Opinions on bedrest vary from RE to RE. The latest statistics show that any bedrest past the first few days does not improve pregnancy rates, but I wasn’t taking any chances.

Tall Man gave me my intramuscular progesterone and delestrogen shots while I laid on my side in bed. I iced my bootie for a few minutes before the shot and then used a heating pad after while we massaged the injection spot. I had to lay flat on my back most of the time, sitting up only to eat and then back down. My husband and friends were my angels helping to keep me company, keep me fed, and keep me busy. Electronic yahtzee was a lifesaver. I’m a geek, what can I say?

The sixth day post-transfer was shower day. Hooray! I never thought a shower could feel so good. Even so, I kept it short and rested for the remainder of the week. I won’t tell you that the resting was easy. My heart wanted this so badly and my mind was racing. I was on emotional roller coaster ride of my life. I wondered, will this little twinkle in my heart ever become a baby? It will. It will! I just had to trust in God and stay positive.

Eleven days post transfer we had our blood test to detect if a pregnancy had taken place. It took all of five minutes to draw the blood. The medical vampire, professionally known as a phlebotomist, calmed us down as we sat there rambling. We were in and out of the office in no time, but then came more waiting. After weeks of waiting, what was a few more hours, right?

Tall Man and I drove around for a bit until settling at home a few hours later to wait for the doctor’s phone call.

At exactly 11:14am, the doctor called and asked for “the infamous Ellie.” I told him it was me, then I heard him say, “one, two, three,” and the whole office shouted, “You’re pregnant, Ellie.” I was stunned, happy, giddy, and about a hundred other emotions. I said, “thank you” and we hung up. As if my little “thank you” could ever express the amount of gratitude I have in my heart for our RE and his team of beautiful professionals.

“Blessed be the Lord,
Because He has heard the voice of my supplications!
The Lord is my strength and my shield;
My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped;
Therefore my heart greatly rejoices,
And with my song I will praise Him!”
(Psalm 28:6, 7)

I don’t think I was ever able to appropriately thank our friends, family, Dr. Werlin, his staff and so many others who showed such great love for us during this time. God answered our prayers. He is so merciful that we have a baby who did not inherit the deadly gene! He is now two and a half and his picture graces this post.

We are truly amazed by God’s love, grace and mercy. Blessed be the Lord!

Our IVF Journey, Part IV – Retrieval & Transfer

This is Part IV of a five-part post. For the first few posts on our journey, read:

Our IVF Journey, Part I – The Two Zees, Infertility and IUIs
Our IVF Journey, Part II – Infertility, Disease and PGD IVF
Our IVF Journey, Part III – PGD IVF (needles and drugs)

•Retrieval Day – Exactly 35 hours after the trigger shot was egg retrieval day. My husband and I went to the surgery center, where I changed into an ever-so-stylish hospital gown, cap and booties. The nurse started an IV and within minutes my gurney was wheeled into the surgical room. The RE and anesthesiologist greeted me and comforted my nerves. The doctor turned my attention to the ultrasound screen to show that my follicles were still there. I prayed that they would all contain viable eggs. Counting backward from 100…99, 98, 97…I was out!

•I woke up in recovery with cramps and a strange hankering for chili fries. The doctor told me that everything went very well and they retrieved 22 eggs. Wow, what a day! I went home, gingerly walked up the stairs, and plopped into bed for the rest of the day. No chili fries for me.

•1 day post retrieval – The doctor called to tell us that 21 out of the 22 eggs were injected with sperm. Still great numbers! We were happy.

•2 days post retrieval – the doctor called to say that 12 of them fertilized, 2 were abnormal, 4 degenerated, and 3 were still iffy. We were so happy with 12 fertilized embryos. This would normally be when the embryos are returned to the uterus. Most IVF protocols without PGD are day 3 transfers. However, because of PGD, our journey would take an extra detour here.

•3 days post retrieval – Our 12 embryos were biopsied. Each of the twelve embryos still growing and dividing in the lab would have one cell removed for PGD. This process does not harm the embryos. Those individual cells were then sent overnight to the Reprogenetics lab in New Jersey for the genetic probe test. Within 24 hours they notified our doctor which embryos were affected with the defective gene.

•4 days post retrieval – Waiting day…no news at all.

•5 days post retrieval – Embryo transfer day. I felt like a mother penguin who lays her egg, transfers it to the male to incubate and then returns after a long winter to reclaim her baby penguin. My eggs were retrieved and left to incubate at the fertility center and this was the day I could come back to reclaim my babies. Oh the joy!

We received a call that morning only hours before the transfer about the status of our embryos. The genetic tests revealed that 7 of the embryos were affected with the defective gene and 5 were free of disease. The tricky part is that these were just the biopsy results. This process also hinges on the hope that the embryos which don’t have the defective gene are still growing and dividing back in the lab.

The doctor gave us the great news that 3 of the embryos were of excellent quality and if we agreed, he would transfer all three blastocysts. Three was our number! Sadly, the other two stopped growing and went to heaven to be with Jesus.

So, Tall Man and I put on our hospital gowns (yes, he had to wear one too). They wheeled me into the room for the transfer. The doctor showed us the ultrasound screen where he inserted the thin catheter into my uterus…and voila…it was finished. The embryos were gently placed far back in my uterus into the lining. Home sweet home!

Then everyone in the room counted to three and said, Get pregnant, Ellie! I spent the next hour inverted on the gurney (head below my feet), so the embryos wouldn’t move. I was overwhelmed with emotion as Tall Man and I began to pray for our little “penguins” and prayed for God to protect them and grow them.

Hubby drove me home while I laid flat in the back seat of our car. I told him to be careful as he was driving a family of five!

Our IVF Journey, Part III – PGD IVF (needles and drugs)

This is Part III of a four-part post. For the first few posts on our journey, read:

Our IVF Journey, Part I – The Two Zees, Infertility and IUIs
Our IVF Journey, Part II – Infertility, Disease and PGD IVF

Now, I’ll attempt to describe how my body was prepared for the IVF retrieval and transfer (needles and all). First, understand that an IVF cycle with PGD is very similar to a regular IVF cycle, with one major exception. The embryos are biopsied prior to embryo transfer. Even though women’s cycles and protocols may vary, here’s an account of our cycle to give you an idea of what can be expected.

Our RE started the entire process by putting me on the birth control pill. This is the first step to the doctor controlling my cycle. It is also protection because the drugs being injected will harm a fetus so they want no chance of pregnancy during an IVF cycle. About two weeks into the birth control pill, it was time to begin the injections. I was nervous at first because I had never done anything like this before. I don’t even like giving blood because needles scare me. My husband and I traded off doing the injections. The injections were subcutaneous, which meant tiny needles just under the skin. After a few days, my fears subsided. It was just another hurdle toward our beautiful goal. Anything for baby, I just kept telling myself.

The first injectable drug was Lupron. Lupron was used to fully suppress my cycle where everything and anything natural is stopped. About two weeks into the Lupron, I started the stimulation drug, Follistim. It does exactly what the name suggests, stimulate follicle growth. Normally, your pituitary gland naturally secretes the follicle stimulating hormone which tells your follicles to grow. However, since the Lupron had suppressed my entire natural cycle, I needed to inject the Follistim in order to grow my follicles “manually.” I also continued the Lupron injections so I wouldn’t accidentally ovulate before the egg retrieval.

At this time in the process I was going to the doctor every other day so he could see via ultrasound how the follicles were growing. I didn’t feel any side effects from the Lupron or Follistim. No hot flashes, nothing. At one point in the process, I even wondered if we were doing it right and if the drugs were getting into my system. Well, the ultrasound revealed something was happening because we saw all of the follicles on the ultrasound screen. It was then I knew the drugs were working.

On day 10 of the stimulation drugs I had an ultrasound and most of my follicles were between 18mm and 26mm, a good size for retrieval. I was warned that some eggs would be too mature and others would be immature to inject with sperm. The doctor told me to administer the trigger shot (HCG) at 9:00pm that night. It’s a timed shot, so it has to be exactly 35 hours prior to the retrieval. This is one shot that leaves no wiggle room for mistakes.

He prepared the syringe and I prepared the injection site by icing it for a few minutes. This shot was an intramuscular shot which had to go in my hip/bootie area. Not fun. My husband inserted the needle, and began injecting the HCG. I asked if he did the shot yet because I didn’t even feel it going in.

He was so excited that it went so well, he pulled it out rather quickly and a different angle. Ouch! I started bleeding and we both panicked. Did I get enough HCG? Why was I bleeding? What happened? I called a friend who recently went through PGD IVF and she and her husband walked us through our emotions and fears. She reminded me that my labwork the next day would reveal the HCG in my blood and that I had nothing to worry about. She was right.

Our IVF Journey, Part II – Infertility, Disease and PGD IVF

As we approach my son’s second birthday, I thought I would share the journey that led to his birth. For the first part of our journey, read Our IVF Journey, Part I – The Two Zees, Infertility and IUIs.

Here is Part II, which covers our continued infertility issues, genetic disease and PGD IVF.

After the three clomid cycles and two failed IUI cycles, we were frustrated and fearful that we may never be able to have a child. Our ob/gyn referred us to a reproductive endocrinologist (RE) to consider the next logical step, which in our case was invitro fertilization (IVF).

However, there was one item we had to get clarity on before moving forward to IVF.

Disorders, disease and other single gene defects
In our case, our journey took a brief detour because we had one hurdle we needed to get past before continuing on to IVF. We had known for years that my husband was at-risk for a genetic disease, but moving on to IVF meant it was probably time to be tested. To protect my husband and our family, I won’t mention the specific disease by name, but it has devastating if not terminal effects.

We couldn’t help but ask God why we weren’t getting pregnant even after the IUIs. In the back of our minds was the possibility that Tall Man had inherited the gene. So, we prayed and the answer we received was that it was time to put the baby making on hold and get tested for this disease.

God’s plan was better than our plan and looking back, we can know see His mercy that he didn’t allow us to get pregnant on our own so the gene would not be passed on to our children.

Within months we were face-to-face with a genetic counselor who would read the results which would change our lives forever. The test came back positive. We knew how we would have to move forward.

PGD IVF
Having this new information regarding the genetic disease was bittersweet. Yes, this meant my husband would eventually suffer this fate, but it didn’t mean my children would have to.

With a fairly new procedure called, pre-implantation genetic diagnosis (PGD), my husband and I could go through the IVF process and use PGD to detect whether embryos had the defective gene or not. Our insurance did not cover the IVF procedure nor the PGD procedure. This was our only hope for a baby.

PGD IVF is an option for couples who face single-gene defects like cystic fibrosis, tay-sachs, sickle cell anemia and huntington’s disease. It is also used for recurrent miscarriage.

I will describe our entire PGD IVF process (needles and all) in my next post.

Our IVF journey – Part I (The Two Zees, infertility and IUIs)

As we approach my son’s second birthday, I rejoice in the fact that he is our little miracle. To celebrate the little twinkle in my heart that became our twinkle baby, I thought I would share our story of infertility, disease and PGD IVF which led to the birth of our son.

So, lets start at the beginning:

Our IVF journey – Part I (The Two Zees, infertility and IUIs)

Tall Man and I were married in 2002. In 2004 we began trying on our own to grow our family (I was 34 at the time). This was exciting at first, but after a year ovulation calendars, tracking basal body temperatures, and negative home pregnancy tests, I went to my doctor to have “the conversation”.

My OB/GYN was extremely blunt with not a warm fuzzy in sight. I caught a glimpse of my medical chart and she had written the word, “infertile” on the top page. It was then I realized we had a problem.

Tests revealed that I had an elevated FSH, which can be an indicator of diminished ovarian reserve. I had no idea a simple blood test on day 3 of my cycle could tell me that my pituitary gland was working overtime to produce Follicle Stimulating Hormone to grow my follicles each month. Who knew?

She sent me home with a prescription for Clomid and told us to get busy. We did this for three months and nothing changed.

She also recommended that Tall Man have his little swimmers analyzed to see if he was adding to our issues. Turns out we did have male factor issues (low sperm count and varicoceles).

Our chances of conceiving on our own were pretty slim, so I switched doctors (warmer and fuzzier) and we did two cycles of Intrauterine Insemination (IUI) with clomid. During these cycles my follicle growth was monitored with ultrasounds. The insemination was a simple procedure done right there in the office. Still…nothing.

After three clomid cycles and two failed IUI cycles, the wind was knocked out of our sails. We took a break from trying and re-directed our prayers.